4. Wrist Pain Diagnosis - March 29

Here I am again, seven days later and I’m much changed. Very much!

The Good News: No more grin and bear, Vicodin or ALEVE – the pain is gone. I really want to cry about this and I will, but I’m still at a stage where I don’t quite believe it has happened. Pain that would not go away, even with the narcotics I was taking. There were times when I thought I’m just being a wimp and I only need to be strong and ignore the pain. C’mon! How bad can it be? Suck it up! Or….maybe it’s not real. It’s imaginary. But then I realized that it really does hurt…… a lot. It’s a terribly thing to understand pain. It doesn’t show up on an x-ray and a thermometer doesn’t indicate its presence. Totally subjective! As is our response to someone else’s pain. I can smile and laugh while in pain. But you don’t know that.

The Bad News: I had an appointment with the doc today. No treatment, just another consultation.

“How do you feel?” he asks.

“Fine”, I say. It’s such a bloody lie. I should have said that I’m not thrilled with the day because I’m tired, I’m wired, and the damn steroids are keeping me awake non stop. Instead I tell him “I’m happy that my hand is pain free.”

“That’s wonderful”, he replies.

“Doc, is this pain relief permanent?”

“We don’t know” he says, “it might come back.”

“Please give me some hope, Doc. What’s the long-term solution?”

He didn’t say anything.

There was a long moment of silent.

Then the nurse said: “Death.”

Gotta love the gal.

I did a Google search and learned that Steroids can lead to serious, even irreversible health problems: Hair loss, male pattern boldness, lowering of the voice, increased facial hair growth, male muscularity and coarsening of the skin. (How sweet it is).

Violence, criminal behavior, confusion, sleeping disorders, anxiety, paranoia, hallucinations, mental depression with suicidal behavior and mood changes! (Poor Dickie; poor Dickie-poo).

Fluid retention, high blood pressure, liver damage, severe acne and trembling!

Holy shit!

If you ask me, all these side effects far outweigh the benefits of the drug.

Warning: I have 5 more days on steroids. Please stay away from me. I can’t be held responsible for my actions.

What’s my prognosis?

“Doc, what caused the wrist problem in the first place?"

“An unknown condition”, the says.

God bless his soul. A good man. A real good doctor. A doctor that doesn’t have all the answers. A doctor that is not afraid to tell me this.

Long story short…….we are exploring new meds to stabilize my blood pressure. So it’s back to the drawing board. But I’ve all the confidence in the world that my doc and I will cross the finish line together…without an accident…….just victory.

Today I live. The pain is gone. But the nurse's word, “Death,” still troubles me.